Beanstalk

YODAR HOOPELHOFFER
AND THE MAGIC BEANSTALK

THERE IS A SAMPLE CHAPTER BELOW, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AND ENJOY.

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Here MOUNT PERRY Rises Majestically In Back Of
LAKE MOUNT PERRY.
This Picture Has Been Cheerfully Donated By The
SKY MOUNT PERRY, FLORIDA, FOUNDATION

HERE WE HAVE THE CLASSICAL TALE OF A MAGIC BEANSTALK. i
HAD INSTRUCTED YODAR HOOPELHOFFER, THE MOUNT PERRY
TOWN IDIOT, TO SELL SOME ART SUPPLIES SO WE'D HAVE ENOUGH
MONEY TO BUY US SOME DINNER.
HE RETURNED WITH A BAG OF MAGIC BEANS INSTEAD OF MONEY.
THIS BOOK IS ALL WRITTEN AND NEEDS TO BE PUBLISHED.
HERE'S A SAMPLE CHAPTER FOR YOU TO ENJOY.

BEANS 1
Copyright ©2004 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.

By

Robert P. Herbst

This had been an exceptionally bad week for business at the Mount Perry Office
Supply and I was completely out of money. There was no food in the cupboard
and I was hungry. I sat in the front of my store hoping against hope someone
would come in and buy something, — anything.
Just as I was beginning to think things couldn’t get any worse than they already
were, Yodar Hoopelhoffer, the Mount Perry town idiot walked in the front door.
Although Yodar means well and would never voluntarily hurt anyone. Trouble just
seemed to follow him around like he had a big black cloud on a leash.
Yodar was just as hungry and broke as I was. This is just my kind of luck. Yet
how could I get mad at Yodar, he was a good friend and would willingly do
anything he could to help out. Still, I knew by welcoming him into my shop, I was
destined to participate in whatever disaster was following on his heels this day.
Without many options left, I made up my mind to try to get Yodar to help out
with sales and get him as far as practical away from where I was. I handed Yodar
a large pad of drawing paper and a set of drawing pencils and told him to go out
and sell the paper and pencils to anyone he could, for enough money for the two
of us to get something to eat.
Yodar was gone for several hours before his beaming face reappeared across the
counter from me. Naturally the first thing I asked was if he’d sold the stuff I’d
given him. “Well, not exactly.” he said as the smile kind of faded from his face. “I
traded the pad of paper and pencils for this here bag of magic beans.”
Looking at the rather small bag of beans he held out to me, I realized in spite of
my best efforts, Yodar had struck again. I could see we were in for a long hungry
night. The few beans in the bag would hardly make a meal for two much less one.
Frustration and anger overcame me in an instant. “You WHAT!” I yelled at him.
You traded that whole pad of drawing paper and a box of pencils for a little bag of
Magic Beans?”
Yodar looked confused but still proud of his trade. “YUP!” He quipped, “The guy
said he was a wizard and he was tired of walking. He took the paper and pencils,
drew a picture of a horse and wagon, said a few magic words over the picture and
‘POOF!’ the paper turned into a horse and wagon. The wizard climbed into the
wagon and off they went.”
Frankly, I was dumbfounded by the story. Then, composing myself once again I
took into account, he wasn’t called the Mount Perry town idiot for no reason at
all. Rather than fight, I might just as well make the best of a bad situation. I told
Yodar to come back in an hour and I’d cook the beans for both of us.
Yodar beamed with pride as he reached into the bag and pulled out one bean. He
held it up for me to see and said, “These here are magic beans. I’m going to plant
one to see what happens.” One bean did not mean starvation to either one of us so
I went about preparing the rest of the beans while Yodar planted his magic bean in
the alley behind the store.
We has a rather scant dinner for which we were both grateful and hoped the next
day would bring more business to the store. Then we ate, washed up and sat
about watching TV for a while. As it became rather late before we realized how
the time was flying by, Yodar slept over in the guest room.
The next morning I was up at daybreak, like I usually did, Yodar slept in a bit later
but we still had coffee together. There being nothing else in the larder to eat, I
opened the shop and Yodar went out into the alley to check on his magic bean.
Suddenly, he burst back into the shop, grabbed my arm and half dragging me
along behind him said, “You have just got to see this!” Out in the alley, the magic
bean had indeed grown. It was a huge bean stalk several hundred feet tall. The top
of the thing vanished into the puffy, Florida, Summer clouds.
We both stood there for a moment or two gaining our composure before Yodar
said, “You wait here, I’m gonna climb this thing and see what’s up there.”
Before I could stop him he was several yards up the bean stalk and I figured there
was little trouble up there for him to get into. I went back into the shop and sat
down to await whatever business there might be during the day.
As night fell over Mount Perry, I checked Yodar’s magic bean stalk for any sign
of Yodar, but he was way up there out of sight in the clouds. I went on to bed,
Yodar was on his own for the night. The next morning there was still no sight of
Yodar. I opened the shop and once again took up my position inside the door
waiting for any customer who might happen by.
I guess it was about noon when I heard a great commotion out in the alley. It was
Yodar scampering back down the bean stalk with a large crate under his arm. He
was yelling for me to get an ax or a machete and be ready to cut the bean stalk
down as soon as he was on the ground.
I was stunned and stood aghast a moment or so, it was just long enough for me to
see the crate Yodar had contained two geese. Then spurred on by the panic in
Yodar’s voice I raced into the shop and got my machete out from under the
counter. I returned to the bean stalk just as Yodar made it to the ground.
“Quick!” He said, “There’s a big mean old giant up there and he’s after me. We
need to cut this thing down NOW!” With these words, he snatched the machete
out of my hand and with a few well placed chops severed the bean stalk. It fell
into the alley with a mighty crash and true enough there was a very large, mean
looking, but thankfully quite dead giant, piled up with the bean stalk.
Gradually, Yodar settled down and told me what had happened, “You see, there
was this big stone castle sitting up there on the cloud. I sneaked in under the front
door and there was this big giant asleep in a huge chair. In a crate on the table next
to him were there two nice fat looking geese. Well, the giant looked as if he had
plenty to eat caus he was big and fat. I figured he didn’t need the two geese as
much as we did, so I swiped them. Well, wouldn’t you know those darn geese put
up such a fuss, the giant woke up. He saw me with the crate so the jig was up, I
had to run like the wind to get to the bean stalk ahead of him.”
I knew the rest of the story so while Yodar took the crate with the geese inside the
shop I began cleaning up the alley. After calling the Coroners Office and explaining
the situation, I called the undertaker and told him he’d need a flatbed truck
because there was a great big dead giant out in the alley.
My explanation gave the undertaker pause to reflect but in the end he said, “Well
if you have a dead giant out there, I guess I’d better get a flat bed trailer and if he’
s as big as you say he is, I’ll probably need a crane to load him onto the truck.”
The truck and crane arrived a few hours later and removed the dead giant. The
truck driver tried to hand me the bill, but I promptly told him, “It’s not MY giant.
You’re going to have to find someone else to bill for this.”
Back in the shop, Yodar was feeding the geese some corn he’d also swiped. As I
got closer to the crate I noticed one of the geese was laying an egg. The egg
looked as if it were solid gold. Retrieving the egg, I raced to the bank to see the
extent of our good fortune.
The egg proved to be truly solid, 99.99% pure gold. The egg weighed in at 1.5
pounds or 24 ounces. At $535.00 per ounce, we had $12,840.00 between us. WE
WERE RICH!
I raced back to the store with the cash in my hot sweaty little hands, gleefully
anticipating a golden egg a day for the next few weeks at least. At this rate we’d
never have to work again for the rest of our lives.
I raced up the stairs and into the kitchen just in time to see Yodar stuffing the last
of the goose feathers into a pillow. On the table were two freshly cooked geese all
ready to eat. Words suitable for expressing my feelings at this moment are not
allowable in decent literature.

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