Mount Perry Chronicles

THE MOUNT PERRY CHRONICLES 1
STORIES ABOUT LIFE IN MOUNT PERRY FLORIDA

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The Mount Perry Chronicles 1 is the very first book in the Mount Perry
Chronicles series. It starts out with a brief description of what Mount Perry is all
about and a Road Map pin pointing the location of our beautiful town.
With this road map in hand the casual visitor can see how Mount Perry is isolated
from the rest of Florida by our beloved Mountain.
Apparently, the weight of the mountain had pushed the surrounding land
downwards causing great quantities of water to stand over the land forming the
huge morose swamp around our beloved town.
As the reader can plainly see, there are only five roads into or out of Mount Perry.
The swamps around our town are inhabited by Carnivorous Insects, Poisonous
Snakes, Hungry Alligators and the occasional Wild Indian still unaware a peace
treaty has been signed.

On this map please note we have deliberately left the name Creepon Beach off the map. This is to
protect our local bathers from being crowded off our beached by tourists. Those few tourists, desperate
to get to the water for swimming.
Those few who do find Creepon Beach, are encouraged to do their swimming in front of the shark
feeding station. Creepon Beach is located just a bit North of Dekle Beach, just South of Dead Man's
Curve. The curve is so named because it is banked just the opposite of what one would normally
expect.
This acts as another deterrent to the crowding of what we think of as our private beach.

THE MOUNT PERRY CENTICHICKEN
Copyright ©2001 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.

By

Robert P. Herbst

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JUST TO GET YOU STARTED, HERE"S A CHAPTER FROM
MOUNT PERRY CHRONICLES 1

I am quite sure each of us has wondered, from time to time, about just how our local super market can
sell chicken legs for twenty-nine cents a pound when other parts of the chicken sell for well over a
dollar a pound. Considerable research has been done on this subject and this is what has been found to
date.
It seems, back in the late 19th century there was a need to produce cheap chicken legs because of their
popularity among children who insisted on eating only the “drum stick”. As a matter of fact, as a child,
I insisted on eating only the drum stick. With two younger brothers, this did create a problem. With the
advent of the centichicken, this problem is not faced by today’s children.
The drum stick is also popular with people insisting on a kind of chicken they could eat while driving a
car. The drum stick filled this requirement in both cases, by being the only part of a chicken which has
a built in handle.
There was obviously a great need for a bird which had more than two legs. Now, add to this the need
to supply the chicken wings to the people who offer us Buffalo Wings and similar products, and you
have two ready made markets which needed to be filled.
With these thoughts in mind, our very own Genetic Manipulation Expert, Dr. Gene Splicer, began
experimentation back in 1985, on splicing the genes of a millipede with a common chicken. He was
working closely, at the time, with Mount Perry’s own chicken expert, Prof. Feisty Byrd. The results of
this experimentation are plain to see in almost every super market around the world, cheap chicken
wings and legs.
The resulting creature was about six feet long, covered with white feathers and walks about on 100 legs
like a centipede. Its skin is a cream color under the feathers, it has a huge pair of mandibles and it has a
vile temper. In every other respect the thing is just like a normal chicken.
One unexpected benefit of the genetic splice was, only did the creature have 100 legs but it also had
100 wings to go along with the legs. Now you know why there are so many places offering various
kinds of precooked chicken wings for sale.
There is no doubt it doesn’t look like a chicken, talk like a chicken or smell like a chicken, but this is
not at issue here, It tastes like chicken and that’s all that counts. We are concerned only with the
production of lots of chicken legs and wings without the expensive and obviously unnecessary chicken
breast.
The popularity of chicken wings and legs only increased with time. I even found frozen chicken legs
packed in the United States offered for sale in the open market in Feodosia, Crimea, Ukraine, during a
six month stay in this town. The chicken legs were packed in large boxes of only the leg and “second
joint” of the chicken.
There were no other chicken parts in the box. On the side of the box in big letters was “Product of
Arkansas, U. S. A.”. This leaves little doubt the Mount Perry, Florida, now exports chicken legs
through Arkansas to Feodosia, Crimea, Ukraine. Where else could the State of Arkansas get such large
quantities of only chicken legs?

Here MOUNT PERRY Rises Majestically In Back Of
LAKE MOUNT PERRY.
This Picture Has Been Cheerfully Donated By The
SKY MOUNT PERRY, FLORIDA, FOUNDATION

Here my lovely ex-wife buys Centichicken legs in the central market in Feodosia, Crimea, Ukraine. I
took this picture during my six month stay in Feodosia in 1998. The part of the box indicating the
Centichicken legs were packed in the U. S. A. Faces Lyudmila.
In Feodosia they are called “Noshki Busha” or Bush’s Legs after President George Bush who made
them available to the Crimean Ukraine through negotiation. Mr. Bush was only able to negotiate this
favorable deal because of the great number of chicken legs now available in the U. S. A. It was only in
this way, we were able to meet the Ukrainian demand for chicken legs.
The other box shown contains some locally caught fish. These fish were salted and usually served raw.
They are rather boney and great care must be taken when you eat them so the bones don’t become a
problem.
One problem which developed early in the experimentation was the disastrous attempts of the Mount
Perry Centichicken to fly up onto a roost every night to sleep. There was no way the creature could
coordinate 100 wings in order to fly, it had enough trouble just walking. This probably accounts for its
vile temper.
When attempting to fly either the wings worked in a rhythmic motion and propelled the creature
forward at incredible speed into the nearest wall, or they became tangled and the creature would wind
up in a heap on the floor. Although neither of these activities were harmful to the Centichicken, the
noise of their crashing into the walls kept people awake at night for miles in every direction. It also
caused the Centichicken to have a terrible head ache and be rather testy the next morning.
Having identified this problem early in the genetic manipulation, Dr. Splicer simple grafted in a few
more millipede genes and a clock spring into the Centichicken. Now it simply curls up on the floor for a
good nights sleep. As a by product of this additional splicing, the back bone can now be used as a clock
spring in large clocks.
It eats the same diet as a normal chicken and is housed in those long chicken houses which dot the
landscape around Mount Perry, Florida. It is nearly immune to predators because of its evil temper and
fearsome looking mandibles which snap and gnash when the creature is disturbed.
There is some concern about its appetite for raw meat. If it happen to be in a testy mood it is just as
likely to take a chunk out of the chicken rancher as it is to eat its normal diet. This has created a whole
new industry in Mount Perry, Florida, the manufacture of Centichicken proof rubber boots and
trousers.
With recent advances in genetic manipulation, Dr. Gene Splicer is about to herald the introduction of
the Centiturkey, Centigoose and the Centiduck. Exactly how well these new efforts will be accepted by
the public is yet to be seen.

THERE IS A SAMPLE CHAPTER BELOW, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AND ENJOY.