Chronicles2

THE MOUNT PERRY CHRONICLES 2
STORIES ABOUT LIFE IN MOUNT PERRY FLORIDA

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Here MOUNT PERRY Rises Majestically In Back Of
LAKE MOUNT PERRY.
This Picture Has Been Cheerfully Donated By The
SKY MOUNT PERRY, FLORIDA, FOUNDATION

In this second Mount Perry Chronicles Book I continue to spin the tale of live in our
beautiful town. Here's a sample chapter.

THE RETRIEVER
Copyright ©2001 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved..

By

Robert P. Herbst

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When I moved to Mount Perry, Florida, back in 1984, one of the very first things I
did was to attend a pet show. The pet show was sponsored by the local chapter of
the “Be Kind To Animals” agency. I had just finished a protracted five year long
divorce battle in the Connecticut Court. I’m a kind of animal and I needed someone
to be kind to me. I guess what I really needed, someone to heap lots of sympathy on
me. Unfortunately I wasn’t the kind of animal they had in mind. I couldn’t even get
a dog biscuit.
As far as I was concerned, the most interesting part of the show were the retrievers.
These dogs were truly gifted. They launched themselves into the air and caught a
variety of objects in their teeth without breaking them. Then they would proudly run
back to their owner and deliver the object to them. Even the retriever cat was
fascinating to me and it indicated the ability to retrieve was not limited to dogs alone.
I tried racing out onto the field and snatching the frisbee away from the dog or cat
sent to retrieve it. This is not exactly what the crowd had in mind and my efforts
were met with prolonged “Boos” and “Hisses”. The dogs also displayed their
displeasure with my actions by sinking their pointy little teeth into whatever part of
me they could find. Even the lone retriever cat was unhappy with me.
Not only this but the various owners refused to give me any treats when I returned
the frisbee to them. I was further shocked by their un-sportsman-like conduct when
they refused to dislodge their pets from my posterior.
I began thinking about finding a neat pet and training it to retrieve. Then I would
have an entry in the pet show one year. My first effort was doomed from the very
start. Alligators, although fast and having large mouths to catch things in, are not
well suited for retrieving. It took me a while to recognize this. I had lost eight
frisbees before I figured out the alligator tends to swallow anything it catches in its
mouth.
For the next year I racked my brain trying to come up with some unique animal I
could train to retrieve. Then one day at the vast and world famous Mount Perry
Zoological Park, I found the answer to my conundrum. I had a bag of peanuts and I
was feeding the various animals as I strolled through the park.
At the elephant compound I was greatly impressed by a large Bull Elephant called
“The Mighty Thor”. This was truly an impressive animal. Not only did Thor catch
the peanut in its trunk, but it dropped it on the floor of the compound and gently
cracked and shelled the peanut with its massive foot. Then with its long trunk it
picked up only the peanut meat, blowing off the inner paper shell before eating it.
This was the answer to my dreams.
I immediately contacted the head of the park and asked if I could buy the elephant. I
was delighted to find Thor could be mine for only a few thousand dollars. This
seemed reasonable as I’d heard of people paying more than this for a little pedigreed
cat. Here, for the same price I had a huge elephant.
The first day in its new home was a learning experience for me. Thor ate my
garden, leaving only a barren wasteland it his wake. I had thought the fence around
my property to be sufficient, until I found Thor standing over the fence, using the
top strand of barbed wire to scratch his belly. There were lots of other little things
leading me to believe I should have made better preparations before buying my very
own elephant.
In time and with lots of money I had my property secured and my elephant was
ready for training. My first effort at training my elephant to retrieve was a disaster of
major proportions. Holding a peanut in one hand and the Frisbee in the other, I
showed the peanut to Thor, threw the Frisbee and shouted “Fetch!”
Thor ignored the Frisbee and pounced on me. He was ever so gentle but again using
his massive foot, he cracked the peanut in my hand. Then using his trunk he
separated the peanut meat from the shell parts and ate the peanut before returning to
the spot he had occupied before.
Obviously there had to be a better way to train the elephant. Although unhurt my
confidence had been shattered. I sequestered myself in my library and did some
research on how to train an elephant. The elephant and I worked together for
several years before I was satisfied he knew enough to try fetching a Frisbee in
public.
At long last the day of the pet show was upon me again. It was time to show off my
trained elephant. This year the pet show was to be held on the grounds of the
perfectly manicured, beautifully landscaped, eighteen hole, World Famous Mount
Perry Golf Course.
I spent weeks washing my elephant and polishing his tusks for the event. My
elephant was going to be the most beautiful animal at the show. I even painted his
toenails green to match the turf.
I have to admit I felt a certain amount of pride as I stood in the lineup, my huge
elephant with its gleaming white tusks towering over me. Although I thought it
somewhat impractical, the instructions did specify that all contestants must have
their pets securely leashed. I couldn’t help but wonder what good the little leash was
going to do if Thor decided he wanted to go somewhere else.
The other pet owners were treating their pets to dog biscuits and cat treats. I kept
my peanuts carefully hidden. I vividly remember what had happened when Thor
saw the peanuts before he performed his retrieval the first time.
Stepping up to the starting line I threw my Frisbee as hard as I could and shouted
“Fetch!” at Thor. I was pleased as punch when Thor raced after the Frisbee with his
trunk outstretched to catch the it while it was still in the air. This was indeed a prize
winning performance. I turned and bowed to the crowd reveling in their applause.
It was just about this time when both Thor and I simultaneously noticed one of the
spectators had a bag of peanuts.
Thor tried his best to stop on a dime and change direction toward the spectators
stand but because of the perfectly manicured landscape there was little traction
under his feet.
The result was four long tears in the turf as Thor’s feet dug into the ground,
punctuated by two holes in the ground as Thor dug his tusks into the turf for added
traction. This caused the poor elephant to flip over on its back and skid a few more
yards before coming to a complete stop.
Unfortunately, the grass on the fairway had roots only a few inched deep because of
the extensive maintenance. The entire fairway tore loose from the ground and
bunched up in front of Thor like an unanchored carpet as he skidded to a stop.
Recognizing what was about to happen I yelled for the spectators who had peanuts
to throw them out into the field in front of him. I guess it was because of Thor’s
trumpeting and thumping about but no one seemed to hear what I was saying. Thor,
on the other hand, let out one more huge bellow as he charged the spectator stands.
The results were predictable. Not only did Thor find the peanuts, but he carefully
separated the peanuts from the pile of stunned spectators. He went on to gently
crack and shell the peanuts with his massive foot. Then with its long trunk it picked
up only the peanut meat, blowing off the inner paper shell before eating them.
The Frisbee flew on for a few more yards until another participants dog caught it in
mid air and retrieved it to his owner. I was humiliated. As soon as Thor was finished
eating all the peanuts, he ran away and hid in a tree. I guess all the yelling and
screaming by the spectators had scared him. As I had painted his toenails green,
Thor was almost impossible to find while hiding in the trees.
AHA! You say. An elephant with green toenails can’t hide in a tree! To this I say,
“Have you ever seen an elephant with green toenails hiding in a tree? The
camouflage works doesn’t it?”
It took several hours for me to find The Mighty Thor. He was hiding in a tree not
far from the fairway. He was so stuffed with peanuts he only got half way up the
tree. I reattached the leash and with my head hung low, returned to my home to
begin training for next year.