Chronicles6

THE MOUNT PERRY CHRONICLES 6
STORIES ABOUT LIFE IN MOUNT PERRY FLORIDA

THERE IS A SAMPLE CHAPTER BELOW, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AND ENJOY.

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Here MOUNT PERRY Rises Majestically In Back Of
LAKE MOUNT PERRY.
This Picture Has Been Cheerfully Donated By The
SKY MOUNT PERRY, FLORIDA, FOUNDATION

In a letter dated October 8, 2002, the editor of the Mount Perry Newspaper and
Fish Wrap writes;
It will soon be time for the annual Mount Perry New Car Show. The Mount Perry
Cast Iron Car Company has announced the release of their brand new, “Mount
Perry Panzer Wagon Mark 2002", or the “Mount Perry King Tiger” as it’s called
around here. As in the past, their entry is expected to sweep the field of all the other
Mount Perry Automobile Manufacturing Companies efforts.
In an our on going effort to get some kind of head start on this years festivities, our
very own ace reporter Mr. Badnews Hunter, has been dispatched to interview the
makers of the Mount Perry Panzer Wagon Mark 2000, or the Mount Perry King
Tiger. The Mount Perry Newspaper and Fish Wrap is pleased to print this editorial
of the interview.
Today, October 8, 2002, Badnews Hunter reporting for the, “INC” (International
News Corporation). Here is the text of our interview with the engineers of the
Mount Perry Cast Iron Car Company.
(Q) Badnews Hunter; Okay guys, what’s new on the Mount Perry Panzer Wagon
Mark 2000, this year?
(A) Mr. W. E. Crushum, chief structural engineer: This year the King Tiger will be
about three tons heavier than the 2001 model. But it will also have wider treads to
maintain stability on high speed curves and on steep mountain roads. Although the
new tread design is going to take up about one and one half lanes the advent of
oncoming traffic on narrow roads is not seen as a problem because of the additional
weight and a radical new angle on the front tread drive wheels. This new angle is
designed to carry the King Tiger up and over any thing in its path up to five feet in
height.
Contact with larger objects is expected to be resolved by the newly modified civilian
model of the main gun and the brand new radar controlled, automatic target
acquisition, range finding and firing system. Even at a modest civilian caliber of
275mm. we feel this is adequate to remove most if not all, but another King Tiger,
obstacles.
Should one be suddenly confronted with an older model King Tiger the new
explosive reactive armor plate is expected to overcome any problems with the driver
not getting the first shot in. However, advances in armor plating are an ongoing thing
and even stronger armor may be available next year.
(Q) Badnews Hunter: What about this years new color combinations?
(A) Mr. I. Hydeit, paint and color coordinator: This year the King Tiger will sport a
whole rainbow of new radar absorbing and stealth colors in a brand new
combination of pleasing camouflage patterns designed to hide the vehicle from any
casual observation while allowing the driver to surge forward onto crowded
highways and merging the existing traffic at highway speeds, while being virtually
unseen.

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The picture provided here is from our used vehicle lot and is presented merely to show the wide variety
of pleasing colors available this year. As you can plainly see, it will be possible to park your new King
Tiger right next to the flower garden and have it completely invisible to the casual glance.
Naturally a complete selection of touch up paint in the colors selected and several brushes will be
supplied with each new King Tiger purchased. These paints will be stored in the tool locker with the all
the tools necessary to pry the wreckage of other vehicles out of the newly designed treads.
Unfortunately the new wider tread does have a tendency to pick up parts of other vehicles and grind
them up in the drive mechanism. Removal of these parts as soon after contact is recommended to
prevent any further damage to the paint job.
(Q) Mr. Badnews Hunter: What’s new in the electronics circuitry this year? Is there anything the first
time buyer of one of these beauties should be aware of?
(A) Mr. Wire Knutt, chief electronic engineer: Not really, Badnews. Most of the modifications to this
years model are improvements on last years model, like the completely automatic ammunition selector
for the main gun. The driver need only select the target, switch to automatic and get back to their normal
safe driving, loading and firing of the main gun will continue automatically until there is no longer any
threat to the vehicle.
Of course the big news this year is the complete stereophonic surround sound system, configured to
automatically increase the volume to drown out the annoying crunching noises made as the King Tiger
rides over other vehicles. The noise made by firing the main and secondary batteries is not compensated
for as it is expected the driver will take a certain amount of pleasure out of hearing the guns and watching
the obstacles disintegrate in front of him.
We have added a new video recording system to the automatic gun sights so the owner can record what’s
going on in front of the vehicle to play back at a later date for his friends and neighbors.
(Q) Mr. Badnews Hunter: Has there been anything new added to the interior of this years King Tiger?
(A) Mr. Maximum Comfort, chief interior designer: I’m glad you asked, Badnews, there are quite a few
changes like the hot tub installed under the main turret and the fully padded drivers seat that now reclines
into a fully horizontal position for the driver to catch a little shut eye as his King Tiger races down the
thruway, or what have you, on automatic pilot.
We have also made extensive modifications to the passenger compartments, added video games and TV
for the children to keep them occupied on long trips. All seats in the passenger compartment are fully
recline able in this years model. As always seat belts are mandatory.
One interesting feature, added this year for the first time, is a Nitrous Oxide valve at the drivers position.
If the children become unruly or obnoxious during the trip, a flip of a concealed valve floods the
passenger compartment with nitrous oxide, this will either cause the children to be happy and content or it
puts the lot to sleep for the duration of the trip depending on how long the driver keeps the valve open.
Flipping the valve in the opposite direction sends the Nitrous Oxide into the intake manifold of the engine
and the destination is reached in a much shorter time. It’s the drivers option.
The wife’s seat, located right next to the drivers position has a new eject feature. Should your wife or girl
friend, as the case may be, begin back seat driving or become obnoxious for any reason she can be
deposited by the side of the road instantaneously at any speed without damaging the upholstery in any
way, at the touch of a single button. When the button is depressed the seat belt opens, the seat tips to the
side, the door opens and a large spring is released, ejecting the bothersome diversion to your driving
comfort.
(Q) Mr. Badnews Hunter: Well, fellows, I guess that leaves only you Lee. What’s new in fire power this
year?
(A) Mr. Lethal Response, chief weapons engineer: Not really much this year Badnews, a little flatter
trajectory in the main gun and the addition of depleted uranium core and shaped charge rounds have been
added to the inventory available to the secondary 34 mm. six barrel Gatling gun to complete its road
clearing and anti personnel capabilities.
I’m afraid electronics is taking all the credit again this year. However, I’m content in the knowledge that
together we have created another world leader. With this years model, we once again lead the field in
civilian, luxury automobiles. There are few other vehicles that would dare to challenge us on the road.
However, in the area of military configuration, we have some surprises for our competitors. Our security
department does not allow us to talk about these advancements but I am allowed to impart to you that
chemical, biological and radiation warfare, is no longer limited to terrorist organizations. We here in
Mount Perry, Florida, now have ways of dealing with these people.