THE RUSSIAN WIFE HANDBOOK
JUST A FEW SHORT CHAPTERS FULL OF HINTS AND ADVICE ABOUT "THE QUEST"
THERE IS A SAMPLE CHAPTER BELOW, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AND ENJOY.
This is your
navigation bar, click
on any title to go
the page. The item
shown in RED is
where you are now.
This was my beautiful wife.
In the pages of this little book, I've tried to post the advice I
recieved during the time I was courting this lovely lady over some
3,000 miles of water and land.
This is a somewhat frightening enterprize and those of you new to
the quest need all the help you can get. It isn't easy to avoid being
cheated or stood up at the Airport.
These things do happen and it's no darn fun at all.
The picture to the Left was taken after some four years of married
life, so as you can see it does work.
We were married in the;
Taylor County Court House
Perry, Florida. 32347
January 11, 1999
Divorced almost exactly 6.5 years later on July 11, 2005
This is at best a bumpy road to travel and every one of you, no
matter how smart you think you are, are going to need all the help
you can get, to get off on the right foot.
Lyudmila was scheduled for her citizenship interview on April 6,
2004.
HERE'S A FREE SAMPLE RIGHT OUT OF MY BOOK
Russian Humor
THE WHOLE PROCESS OF WINNING
YOUR RUSSIAN BRIDE

Chapter 32

MORE THROUGH THE EYES
OF A RUSSIAN

Robert P. Herbst & Anatoly Nevero
The book is not yet in print
Very often Western people criticize Russians for being too gloomy and unfriendly because they never smile. I even
heard a version about how we don’t smile because our life is so hard, we never learned to do smile.
For their part, Russians oftentimes can’t understand why their Western counterparts are always smiling, like a
Cheshire cats, without any visible reason for it.
In my humble opinion, it is the culture and our perception of the smile which causes the difference. As I understand
it, in Western culture, the smile is an indication of good breeding. They smile because by this sign they show their
liking for somebody or a particular situation.
Russian identifies the smile with laughing. They don’t smile unless they have a reason for laughter. This
fundamental difference in impression provokes many unfortunate misunderstandings. It’s not very hard to see why.
To say, off hand, Russians never smile, is absolutely wrong. They do smile and very often do so. In fact the
Russian people have a great sense of humor, better in some ways than their Western counterpart. Just they don’t
smile all the time.
In the majority of situations there is no humor at all. When there is no humor, the Russian remains stoic while their
Western partners are waiting for their smiles to indicate approval.
For example, I am waiting for Mr. X in the lobby of the hotel. He appears and, on seeing me, smiles from ear to
ear. It doesn’t signify, I am funny to look at. He signifies, by his smile, he is happy to meet me. He wants our initial
meeting to be a friendly one. He wants to show me, he intends to be friendly.


Only after some time I did I begin to understand, they aren’t laughing!!! They just smile!!! And for them it was
quite natural to do so.
Whereas for me it is an indication of there being something funny about me. Now, of course, I can say it was.
Once, as I accompanied one American on a business trip, he wanted to use public transportation to get around in
the city. People in buses and metro turned round to my companion as he was smiling non-stop at anyone who even
looked in his direction.
Finally, one little fellow, a bit drunk, and in a bad mood approached him and began to antagonize him with, “Hey
dude! What’s up? Tell us your funny story to make us laugh as well!”
It was a very difficult situation and it was hard for me to quiet the man down. It was no less difficult to explain to
my companion why he had been accosted by the drunk.
It was simple, he was smiling and this is what provoked the situation. The other people on the bus found his smile
incomprehensible.
Imagine, you are sitting in a bus and everybody around you is laughing aloud and non-stop. For Russians, the
Western smile is often perceived as a loud laugh. It is even worse if the person grins.
In the animal world the baring of teeth is considered a threat. Imagine you are in a situation where you don’t speak
the language. Someone walks up to you, says something and bares his teeth.
Although we no longer consider ourselves animals, there is this instinctive fear of bared teeth built into our system.
One day I met a group of Americans at the airport and was asked drive them to a hotel. It was very late, about 1:00
am.
The lady hotel clerk was waiting for us and when we came into the hotel, she greeted us with her typical stoic
expression. She asked us immediately to give her the visitor’s passports to check identity, as was her job. She
wanted to finish the registration as soon as possible and to go to bed. There was no hint of a smile.
I saw, my guests were very uncomfortable, and the chief of the group drew me aside and asked what is wrong. I
couldn’t understand him.
He insisted, “What happened? Does this lady doubt our intentions?”
At long last the misunderstanding was explained. The Lady Hotel Clerk hadn’t smiled. My poor Americans thought,
she was angry or was going to call police (or maybe Army?) and have them shot on sight or at the very least, haul
the entire group off to the nearest Gulag.
Naturally, the lady wanted to know why the guests were upset. When I told her what they had thought she began to
laugh like a crazy! Americans immediately smiled back and in a half of minute gathered all their passports in one
pile. They gave them to her and the incident was over.
During all the rest of their stay in the hotel the one lady smiled every time she met any them! It was a good lesson
for them and for her. Of course, it was a great lesson for me as well.
Sometimes I drive Western visitors to the memorial “Khatyn”. It is a place where during the Second War Nazis
burned a small Belarus village together with its inhabitants. It’s a very dramatic and impressive place. Of course, the
visitors took with them all of their photo graphic and video cameras and were taking pictures of each other all
around the memorial.
Often, very often they smiled when they were photographed. I understand: it is just a mechanical habit to smile in
front of the camera.
Unfortunately, the impression was very unpleasant for the Russians who were also there. It would be like people
smiling at funerals while standing in front of the coffin of the late lamented.
I remember one particularly long discussion with one Western man about the smile. As a result of our debate we
found;
1) Western people perceive the smile as a sign of informal courtesy; Russians see it as a sign, the smiling person is
having fun. They identify the smile with the laugh.
2) Western people perceive a smiling person as “happy” and “friendly” person. For Russians happiness and
prosperity are not associated with the smile. At least - not in such a big degree as for Westerners.
A happy (as well as prosperous) person is not obligated to smile. On the other hand, the smiling man is not
necessarily happy or more prosperous than anyone else. Sometimes these states coincide, sometimes not. The
smiling person could just be a complete and penniless idiot.
3) Western people perceive the absence of smile on face of their counterpart, especially of those who serve them
(waiter, seller, recipient), as unfriendly. Russians in such situations don’t pay attention in the facial expression at all.
They evaluate acts and quality of services only.
At the same time they are more sensitive to the tone of voice (rude or friendly). However, they do react to strongly
marked gloomy or unhappy facial expressions.
It’s almost the same reaction Westerners have to the absence of a smile. The absence of smile in the faces of their
sales person or servant signifies nothing for them.
3A) We have a lot of Western advertising on our TV now. How often the wrong impression is made by the
manufacturer who advertises their goods with smiling models!
A smiling girl who babbles something about, “The best washing powder in the world!” Will dramatically decrease its
sales! No Russian will buy anything advertised by “such an empty idiot”.
Only an old serious lady who confidentially imparts her years of experience with “this magic powder” can cause this
powder to be brought into houses of Russian house keepers.
Remember: Russians have a saying: “Laugh without reason is the indicator of foolishness!”
4) If anybody tells a funny story or a joke with a serious facial expression, the majority of Westerners will not smile
nor laugh since they are guided by the facial expression of the speaker.
The reaction of a Russian is more equated to the sense of the pronounced phrase and much less depends on facial
expression of the speaker.
A good joke will always receive an explosion of laughter and sea of smiles, even if the person who tells the joke has
extremely sad face.
4A) The more well-known Russian comedians (like Raikin, Zhvanetski, Zadornov, Kartsev, Petrosyan, and many
others) earned their fame declaiming funny stories with very serious facial expression.
Such an actor can make 3 hours show without a shadow of smile on his face whereas the audience will die of
laughter during the whole performance.
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